I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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