She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
When are your genitals available?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
