U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
