booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
