I want to walk on stilts...naked
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
