I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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