i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
