sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
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