When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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