dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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