My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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