You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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