I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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