chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
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