i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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