i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i think i have herpe
just one?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
