Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
