you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I forget how to act sober
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
