11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
