dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
ok first of all what the fuck
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
