I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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