I swear god or herbie drove my car home
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
