In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
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