and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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