watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
