Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
