I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
