Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
