That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
