Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
