Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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