Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
