And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
