Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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