That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
