My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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