there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
