Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize
