..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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