god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
