Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
