She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
