I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
