so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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