I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
We had sex on a dog bed..
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
