dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
