no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
