i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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