so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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