I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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