For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
NoShamevember. You game?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
