I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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