He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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