rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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