..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
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