You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
