Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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